Monday, March 12, 2007

A great big year of great big change.

I guess you could say that this is the year I'm going to grow up. A little. :)

There's been a lot of stuff I've wanted to change in my life, but never really had the will, nerve, or whatever it takes to actually follow through. This year, though, I've decided that it's finally time. There are a lot of little things that need to be fixed, but right now I'm focusing on two big things. The first is my health.

I decided that I'm tired of being overweight. In no particular order:

I'm tired of hurting my body. Looking at my stretchmarks makes me feel so stupid. I'm tired of feeling and looking so much older than my cute girlfriends. (Okay, so that one is stemming from jealousy.) I'm tired of shopping in the plus sized old lady section. I'm not even 30, but I've been a plus for a loooong time. I'm tired of having to buy mens L or XL shirts.

I want a baby. I want to be stong and healthy when carrying little him or her. I want to be able to buy maternity clothes that aren't enormous. I want my belly to actually be baby. It would be nice to take pics that don't have the gross frontal waist dent that I'm sporting now. I want to be able to chase that kid and not have people think, "Wow, she moves pretty quick for a fat girl."

I want to go out with my sister and feel fabulous instead of frumpy. She's so gorgeous and smart. I'm completely in awe of the woman she's grown up to be.

When I was in high school, a friend told me I move like a ballerina. I was 17 and that's stuck with me. I want to feel that easy confidence again.

I've worked so hard for so long at being quiet and hidden. I've had enough of that.

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